【Ongoing Series Archives】

It's with heavy hearts that we must share this news: people want to drink the cursed mummy water from the mystery sarcophagus.

The Ongoing Series Archivessarcophagus was unearthed during a construction dig in Alexandria, Egypt, and opened earlier this week. Considering its size, nondescript black exterior, and the fact that it was buried with a giant alabaster head, the internet was convinced that it contained some kind of demonic being or ancient hex. But when authorities opened it, they just found three soggy mummies stewing in red sewage water.

According to Secretary-General of the Supreme Council of Antiquities Mostafa Waziri, "The sarcophagus has been opened, but we have not been hit by a curse."

But the saga of the mystery sarcophagus isn't over. A Change.org petition wants authorities to "let people drink the red liquid from the dark sarcophagus." At the time of writing, the petition had more than 880 signatures.

The petition proposes drinking the bone broth "in the form of some carbonated energy drink so we can assume its powers and finally die."

Who wouldn't want skeleton flavored La Croix?

While it's common sense to notput liquid that dead warriors have been fermenting in for 2,000 years in your mouth, the petition's creator isn't convinced.

"Please stop trying to tell me the skeleton juice is mostly sewage," they said in an update. "Thats impossible everyone knows skeletons cannot poop."

Seems reasonable.